greengreenjames' Journal

Dear Diary,

I've just been reading through this, to the last time I wrote something in it.

I'll admit, it's been a while. I suppose life has not been too interesting in recent times.

Work is good. Getting to do what I enjoy and being paid for it as well makes me never want to quit. I'm also working on my orchid collection. Maybe not what a man should spend his time on, but I've never been conventional have I? Well, you wouldn't know as you're just blank pages in a book. I suppose that's why I like to write in here at times. When I need to really think about something.

I don't think I really ever believed in love at first sight. I said I did but I was never certain it could happen. But, I think it happened to me. Or love at second sight possibly? I haven't told her yet though. For obvious reasons. I've told her I'm falling for her but that's different right? I hope so. She didn't run off though at any rate. I think she really likes me. I hope she really likes me. I can't have a broken heart again.

I was such an idiot though! We had sex on our first date and didn't use protection! I'm always so safe but I couldn't wait with her. I don't think I'm ready to be a Dad but if she did get pregnant I'd make myself ready.

I've been asking questions, stuff that upset my Mum and I didn't mean to. I'm really scared. Aparently, most Boyer men don't get to have a Father around for long. I really miss Dad. I've been thinking about him a lot more recently with falling in love. The whole, asking her to marry me, the wedding, the empty space that will be by my Mother's side. My children not knowing their Grandfather. I never really stopped to think about how hard it was for me without him. Now I've gotten older I'm starting to realise I never really got over it. I've just been putting it off I suppose.

So, there. Good news and sad feelings.

Poor diary. You never get just happy thoughts do you? I'll try and be nicer to you in the coming months.

Peace out.